Caring for a Loved One with Memory Loss – and for Yourself

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It’s difficult when memory loss causes changes in a person you know and love, and learning how to cope with the responsibilities of being a caregiver can feel overwhelming. While you may find it hard to focus on yourself, listening to your body and feeding your own physical, mental and spiritual needs is vital for both you and your loved one.

Understanding Memory Loss

Watching someone struggle with memory loss can be upsetting. Spending some time first understanding its causes — which may be related to several different conditions — could be very helpful as you navigate this journey.

The most well-known is dementia, which includes Alzheimer’s disease. These are progressive forms of memory loss and cognitive impairment that have no cure.

Other potential causes include certain medications or interactions between different them, brain tumors, strokes and depression. Some of those conditions can be treated and the memory loss reversed if a diagnosis is made quickly. However, for many, memory loss is a progressive issue, and caregivers will be called on more and more for help.

Finding Your Role as Caregiver

As you provide care, remember that your family member is experiencing a loss. It may be difficult, but talking about the disease and what to expect can help ease anxiety and fears of the unknown.

A daily routine also helps reduce stress by setting shared expectations. Try to incorporate activities that both of you enjoy and find special moments to connect and cherish one another’s company.

Financial and legal matters may also be hard to discuss, but are essential to address before memory loss becomes severe. Having a financial planner or lawyer present may help with these conversations.

Make Your Health a Priority

It’s easy to put your own physical, mental and spiritual needs on the backburner when caring for someone with memory loss. But remember that taking care of yourself will give you the strength, stamina and patience you need to support your loved one.

Keep a few simple tips in mind to make your health a priority. These are easy to incorporate into your day — without sacrificing time or energy away from your family member or friend.

1. Eat healthy.

A diet that features whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean protein can give you the energy you need to care for someone else. Vitamins and minerals in nutrient-rich foods give your body the sustenance it needs to stay healthy, cope with stress, and boost your whole health.

2. Get enough sleep.

Stress and anxiety can make anyone toss and turn at night. If you’re finding it hard to fall and stay asleep, try establishing a healthy nighttime routine. Stop drinking caffeine after lunch, limit alcohol intake and eat a healthy meal. Take a warm bath to relax or sip a calming (decaf) tea to help the worries of the day drift away.

If you do wake up in the middle of the night, resist the urge to pick up your phone or turn on the TV. Not only can the stressors of day-to-day life creep into your mind, but the blue light from the screen has been shown to disrupt sleep.

3. Take a break.

There’s no shame in asking for help. Time away can help you re-center and refocus on what’s most important — caring for your loved one with dignity and grace. Accept offers of help from friends and family members and take time away for yourself. Browse a local

bookstore, meet with a spiritual leader, attend a bible study or sermon, or grab a cup of coffee with a friend.

4. Find support.

You’ve suddenly found yourself in a role that you never imagined. It can be a big responsibility to care for someone with memory loss and can sometimes feel isolating. Friends may not understand the challenges you’re facing or even know how to best support you.

Seek support from others who understand what you’re experiencing. Ask your loved one’s doctor about support groups or talk with a sibling or partner who can empathize with your situation.

5. You deserve grace, too.

No one is asking you to be perfect — and no one expects it. Remember to be gentle with yourself, especially if you feel like you were impatient at times or unable to provide the care you hoped. Remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day and accept that some days will be more difficult than others.

MemoryCaregivers Support Group

Join us for any of four regular, monthly MemoryCaregivers support groups. All MemoryCaregiver Network support groups are FREE and open to anyone caring for a person with memory loss. For additional information, please contact Mary Donnelly at Call828-230-4143 or at [email protected].

Click the November group you would like to attend for more information and to sign up. Check back for future months at

New Hope Group (South Asheville)

Tuesday, November 19, 1 to 3 pm

New Hope Presbyterian Church

Lower Level Fellowship Hall (across from Givens Estates)

3070 Sweeten Creek Road, Asheville

North Asheville Group

Tuesday, November 26, 1 – 3 pm

Newbridge Baptist Church

199 Elkwood Avenue, Asheville

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